i feel like we'renot in high school, but in our own littlechris-and-jamie world. whether we're watching"party of five" or practicing our cheers, i feel like i canjust be myself. jamie, we've been friendsfor a really long time, but i want to bemore than that. oops! i don't think so. hoping to beyour boyfriend.
sincerely, chris brander. bff! ♪ i swear ♪ ♪ by the moon and the starsin the skies ♪ ♪ i'll be there,yeah ♪ ♪ and i swear ♪ ♪ like a shadowthat's by your side ♪ ♪ i'll be there ♪ ♪ for better or worse... ♪
- raise your hand if your brother's a homo!♪ till death do us part... ♪ - get out of my room!- mom! stupid! anybody ever hearof privacy around here?! ♪ i swear ♪- you're the homo. jamie! yeah, i signedyour yearbook. oh, you feel the sameway about me? oh, you want a kiss? jamie,i signed your yearbook.
jamie,i'm opening your gate. what's up, guys? - class of '95.- mm-mm. hey, what's up, leon, trevor?great season. great. i love you. - hey, guys.- chris brander, ladies and gentlemen! - happy graduation, chris.- what's going on? i thought it was supposed to bejust the four of us. the palaminos decidedto throw jamie
- a surprise graduation party.- oh, that's just great! - tonight's the night.- where is she? i think i saw her go in the garagewith the football team. - sweet.- hey. no fear, chris, huh? this is your - chance to get out of the "friend zone."- yeah. - huh?- okay. ♪... for hip hopthis is hip hop for today ♪ ♪ i give props to hip hop,so hip hop hooray... ♪ jamie.
- chris!- yay! you came, finally!i'm so happy. oh, come on,come on! oh my god,we graduated! whoo! - god.- yeah. what's up? there's something i've beenmeaning to say to you. jamie!there you are.
- hey, tim.- shut up, chubs. funny guy! jamie... - will you sign my yearbook, please?- can i do it later, tim? can i do you later? i need a beer! i can't believe... - i went out with him.- you went out with him. jinx! 1-2-34-5-6-7, can't saya thing till i say...
come in. - oh, hi. hi, jamie.- hey, dusty. i was hopingi'd find you here. i didn't knowyou played guitar. l-i r-really... - i really want to be a famous musician.- huh. and, um,i wrote you a song. he wrote me a song!that's so cute. it's called"jamie smiles."
aw. ♪ when jam... ♪ hold on. ♪ when jamie... ♪ he's crazy. god damn it!come on, dusty! dusty, come here. maybe you should come backanother time when you're... - oh, no, i got it.- you can come back
and then play itfor us later, okay? - i really... i've got it. it's beautiful.- yeah. - it is.- bye, dusty. jesus. yeah. oh, i almost forgot. i got you a littlesomething right here. okay. now i knowit's a little dorky, but i had to do it.
so look at it. will you put iton for me? - now?- please, please? put it on. - okay. quickly.- okay okay okay okay. - i think it's gonna fit.- yeah. - let's see.- okay. - here we go.- okay. it's a little snug. oh my god,isn't that so cute?
"shakes come and go, but friends arefurrr-ever!" that's adorable!let's go show my mom. she'll love it. let's goshow her. come on. - let's not. no no. come on.- chris, she's gonna love it! just... just wait. - just... we're busy!- chris, are you okay? yes, i'm fine.i just... i signed your yearbook.
um... read it...please. okay. please, god. "stud muffin, getting it onin your love truck was hot!" - oh!- wait! that's not what i wrote! this is tim's yearbook. - chris?- oh my god! listen to this.listen to this.
"when we're together,i feel"... - gimme!- "like we're not in high school, but we're - in our own chris-and-jamie little world."- tim... okay. - "you're my best friend..."- please, don't read that. "but i want to bemore than that"? ooh! "hoping to beyour boyfriend. sincerely, chris brander,bff." it's a joke! that's a jokebetween me and jamie!
holy shit!check out his shirt! aw, he's gonna cry. see ya! g'bye, fatty! chris! try a salad! - chris!- leave me alone! don't worry about it.it happens to everybody. chris! we need to talkabout what you wrote.
is that reallyhow you feel? i don't know.maybe. why? because that's the nicest thinganyone's ever written me. it was? yes. i love you, chris... - like a brother.- hmm? - we're friends, right?- for sure! ah, you pussy!
shut up, tim! don't you people have anythingbetter to do?! god! just leavehim alone! you jerks! - i'll show you!- ooh! i'll show all of you! this townis full of losers and i'm pullingout to win! chris!chris, come back!
- my name is chris brander!- chris, let's talk! you remember that name!'cause i'm gonna be somebody! i don't know what to say. i mean,the sex is good, but i'm a person too. i mean, i havefeelings and needs other thanjust physical! don't you have anythingto say for yourself? i think you've pretty muchsaid it all.
you know what?this just isn't working out. have a great life,'cause athena's out! i don't know why youjust don't take me serious! wow! i guess athena's out. god, can youbelieve that? i get dumped four daysbefore christmas. - i saw.- yeah, and yet, you did nothing. technically, that makes youan accomplice.
guilty as charged. you know, in some culturesthey'd spank you for that. oh, i love to travel. - chris brander.- i'm mandy. of course you are. you know,i know a song called "mandy." oh! he shoots, he scores. - nice, nice!- yeah, brander! great job, brander! you're the bad bunny.no. no, that's you.
you're the bad bunny.yeah. okay, that's enoughout of you. next time you call me,you call me collect. okay. bye-bye. - so how'd it go last night?- home by 10:00. pants off in frontof the computer by 10:01. nice. what about sheila?are you making any headway? we'll see. i'm taking herto lunch today... oh, whoa, whoa whoa.don't... don't do that.
- okay? don't do lunch.- why? that's like the express laneto the friend zone. what the hell'sthe friend zone? see when a girl decidesthat you're her friend, you're no longera dating option. you become a completenon-sexual entity in her eyes, like her brother.or a lamp. i don't wantto be a lamp. yeah. well, then don't beher friend, okay?
oh. take that guy,for example. - you mean that couple?- no no no. no, i mean the guy thatwishes they were a couple. - what is your point?- my point is... call sheila, ray.call her right now. move your day dateto tonight. play the entire thing aloof and no matterwhat you do, kiss her at the end. - 'cause friends don't kiss.- all right. "aloof." hi.
- straight to voicemail.- ouch. hope you're not too late.you may already be girlfriends. - really? how will i know?- look. it doesn't matter, okay? if you feel yourselfgoing there, walk away. where'd you come upwith this theory? some chick f'd me upin high school bad. excuse me.excuse me. excuse you! i saw you flirtingwith me out there.
how could you dothat to your boyfriend? who, him?we're just friends. oh, no no no, i never said that, lindsay. iwouldn't do that. no, i'm drivingthrough a tunnel. okay. one second here.hey, francine, you look great. - thanks.- that color really brings out your legs. hey, i don't even know you.yeah. ho-ho-ho. that's great.merry christmas. i can still see it.i can still... rub harder!
don't dab at it!rub it. rub, rub it, rub it! look, honestly, these pantsmake me look fat? - well...- you're fired! - what?- i'm kidding. ho-ho-ho! who's gota christmas present? i do. how you doing, boss?merry christmas. - i look fat in these pants?- hell no.
excellent! so you'reseeing your family - for the holidays.- well, as a matter of fact... - wait. you want anything?- no. go! wait. - family.- parents are separated. - jersey's not my idea of a good time, so...- fabulous. - check this out.- yeah. great. good. first up tonight, you've seenher in the pages of magazines, and well, the openingof practically anything,
but what what you may notknow about this "it" girl... is her humanitarian side. hey, everyone.i'm samantha james and i'm herewith mr. cluck cluck and my newbest friend wafoofi and we're part of a kick-asshumanitarian effort to help promote vegetarianismin third world countries, which is really reallyimportant. okay, and speaking ofreally really important...
i have some good news. i've been recordingfor my new album which i hope to have outearly next... - i want that album.- hah! what?! - samantha james?- yeah. no no no no. listen to mevery carefully now. samantha jamesis a crazy person. hey, you're the one thatused to diddle her, not me. it was one date!and i ended up in the hospital.
have you seen this poster?huh? have you seen... - this poster?- yeah, with the fruit. this is the hottest-sellingposter in the united states. people love her.they love her! oh, who loves her? mtv just got her a newreality show next year. we time the cd release with the show,we got a guaranteed hit plus free promotion. - she's recording over...- i know where she's recording.
good. good.make me happy. go away.wait. not you. wait! you don't make me happy, i'm gonnafind somebody else to make me happy. loud and clear. yeah.clear as a bell. - good.- okay. what are youstill doing here? go!go get me lobster! go! run! lobster!
run away! run!daddy want a fish! ♪ uh, uh, uh ♪ ♪ yeah, uh uh,eins zwei drei vier! ♪ ♪ we might bea world apart ♪ ♪ world apart ♪ ♪ but you're alwaysin my heart ♪ ♪ always in my heart ♪ ♪ when you look up at the stars ♪♪ look up at the stars ♪ ♪ feel my love from afar ♪♪ afar afar ♪
♪ looking down like a shining star ♪♪ shining star ♪ ♪ dancing free with my guitar ♪♪ my guitar ♪ ♪ i don't know just where you are ♪♪ where are you? ♪ ♪ love from afar,love from afar ♪ ♪ feel my love... ♪ cut! cut! okay, ron, which jokesterchanged the key on me? no one, samantha. it's been the same keyfor the last 43 takes.
well, something's off then,because i'm just not feeling it, okay? god, i need my guitar. - we need to mix the tracks separately.- no! my lyrics say "dancing freewith my guitar," ron. so, i'm gonnabe real, okay? i'm not gonna let youand hong kong phooey up there turn me into some poppybubblegum wannabe. okay?i need to transcend! are you guyseven listening to me?
♪ you guys are assholes,you're assholes... ♪ - switch it off, guys.♪ ron, you're an asshole ♪ ♪ you guys are assholes,you're assholes. ♪ she's all yours. hey! i can't hear you, samantha.i can't hear you, samantha. - can't hear you.- oh. oh, light bulb.there you go. oh my god,i don't believe it!
god, i've missed you. oh... okay. wait a minute. are you herebecause you miss me, or are you just here because yourboss wants to sign me? both? that's cool.guess i missed you too. god, i want to lickyour skin off! - i prefer you didn't.- but i want to. don't.
ow! ooh, you're gonna get it.you're gonna get it, baby. - i don't want it.- bad kitty. meow, meow. - okay.- oh! listen, what're you doing - over the holidays?- i'm going to santa barbara... 'cause paris is throwinga christmas bash in paris. okay, paris isn'tgonna work for... i'm gonna call my assistantand we're gonna go tonight. we can work and play.mreow.
oh my god! i just wrote a new song.you have to hear it! this one's called"forgiveness." ahem. ♪ forgiveness ♪ ♪ is more thansaying sorry ♪ ♪to forgive is divine ♪ ♪ so let's havea glass of wine ♪ ♪ and have makeup sex ♪ ♪ until the end of ♪
♪ time time time time ♪ ♪ time ♪ ♪ time. ♪ so what did youyou think? ah! i mean, my god! oh my god,you're sweet. - what is that?- this is a taser gun. my publicist gave it to meto ward off stalkers.
bam!ha ha ha! ooh, ahi tuna. - you want some? yummy yummy.- i'll pass. ahi! oh, i'm so gladkc got us back together. yeah, you're awful. hey, i have a great idea. what if on our way to pariswe stop off in ireland and find outwhere u2 lives?
what if we got someonelike bono to sing backup? i'd be all...♪ forgiveness is the way, ♪ and he'd go, ♪ forgiveness every day ♪only all bono-y. wouldn't thatbe amazing? ah! what if i addedmore vibrato? ♪ is more thansayin' sorry ♪ ♪ to forgive is divine ♪ ♪ so let's havea glass of... ♪ okay. who's the geniusbehind this?
the container said"microwavable." but the aluminumfoil wasn't. well, i'm not supposed to worryabout stuff like that. i'm the talent. daddy, we're down. not exactly warmout here, is it? - how long till we're airborne again?- nice plane! - not till tomorrow.- ah, terrific. where are we? not happy!
we're on a private fieldan hour outside of trenton. jersey?we're in new jersey? hey, wait a minute.am i being punk'd? where's ashton?ha! ashton! oh my god!ha ha. you totally got me! ashton? i love it that you're taking me hometo meet your mom.
was this one of yourclever little plans? yes. i planned yousetting the plane on fire. surprise! oh, my little boy. be right down. ♪ la da da, da da ♪ ♪ la da da da ♪ ♪ da da da da. ♪ i do not rememberjersey being this cold.
well, it's been uncommonlycold this month. we've gone throughseven bags of rock salt. your house is justso quaint, mrs. brander, i mean, chris, you never told meyou were so provincial. it's like a truerags to riches story, but i've always found the middle class tobe just so much more real. i mean, isn't chris great? yeah, he is a nice boy. you know, he usuallyflies us out to los angeles.
it's been, uh... oh, nine, 10... - it's 10 years. yeah.- 10? 10 yearssince he's been home. - all right. good job, dougie.- oh, hi, honey! oh my god. - mikey.- oh my god! - is that my christmas present?- sam, my younger brother mike. - samantha james.- samantha james.
mike brander.it is an honor. i have your posteron my wall, - but you are way hotter in person.- i know! - you have her poster on your wall?- yeah. i slapped the hamto it like an hour ago. what ham did you slap? not the hamthat i just bought? oh, mrs. brander, do you haveanything else besides ham? because i'm onthe perricone diet
and i need salmonlike now. i love salmon. it's the prettiestcolor for bedrooms. - so relaxing.- i'm gonna start drinking. um, does anybody want anything?some coffee? maybe some salmonor something? just gonna... yeah. mike! good to be home. oh, boy. okay.
hi. yes, i know,very exciting. hi. hi. oh. chris,let's get it to go. people are staring at me. oh my god...plastic menus! well, this isn't gonna work,is it now, chris? chris? excuse me, but i waswondering if you think america will ever switchto the metric system?
well, that'sa very interesting... - oh my god! chris!- i don't believe this! - oh! god, you look great!- i don't... you look great! - well, thank you! how you been?- we're married. - you're married!- married? - oh, yeah, we're married, we got a kid. tj.- we have a son. tj. - tj!- he looks like me. he's got clark's eyes... oh my god!where does the time go? he's like the creative mind kid, he's like,brilliant and you can meet him.
- that's great!- god, look at those teeth! those are some nice veneersyou got, my friend. - don't tell me that you're a dentist.- a dentist? - i totally sold out, dude.- hey, you and me both, buddy. hey, lover, aren't yougonna introduce me, huh? yes! samantha, these aremy old friends. this is clark,this is darla. your names are"clark" and "darla"?
- yeah.- mm-hm. oh my god,that is so cute! i just wannaeat you both up! okay, i am gonna goto the little girl's room. - good.- and then we're outie. - okay.- okay. she's... uh, incoming. check out thatgirl's ass. huge! it was so nicemeeting you.
mm. darla. she's adorable. - and affectionate.- christ sakes. - chris brander, ladies and gentlemen!- yes! you guys, so good... chris brander?chris brander? holy... i saw you at the grammyssitting next to p. diddy! it's me tim.you remember? oh, how could iforget you, tim?
hey, you got $5 that i can,like, have? you keepliving the dream, tim. done! buh-bye now. - class of '95!- class of '95! here's your money,bitch! - he looks good.- man, i can't believe... wha... like what happened?where did you go?
hey, you know...just migrated west. you know, i'm livingthe dream out there, i guess. i just stayed with my dadfor awhile, and... yeah, hocked my soulfor a record executive job... and started...i mean i had an internship first - a couple of years.- uh-huh, right. jamie? - chris, hi!- hi! what are youdoing down there?
oh, i'm just busted! how are you?oh, shit. hold on. look at you! oh my god, i can put myarms around you. - you look so great! look at this body!- thank you. - you're like a new man!- yeah. these armsand your belly, and look at...pecs, and...
wow! chris brander. god.jamie palamino. so, um... so how longare you in town for? um, just the night,actually. just one night, really?you can't stay any longer? no. i wish i could, but l... let's go, chris.there's pee on the floor. - yeah.- okay, um... all right, well...
- it's really great to see you again.- you too. oh. wow... just give mea call sometime. i'm livingwith my parents. oh, i know.i'm living with my parents. okay, bye. - bye.- bye. - jamie pal.- whoa!
she's like a boxof fine wine. you would know. you know, in high schoolyou'd never get a girl like that. and now you getwhoever you want. i bet you coulddefinitely hit jamie pal. - definitely.- okay. okay. - excuse me.- oh yeah. you go! whoo! - hey!- hey!
look, there is a chance that myflight might be delayed an extra day. - what are you doing tomorrow?- um, nothing. - do you want to meet for lunch?- you mean like a day date? great! chris! chris! - i'll pick you up at noon.- chris! chris! - chris! chris! chris!- awesome, i'm really... - i'm busy!- i'm busy! stupid dick! - that sounds awesome. i'll see you then.- bye.
let's go. - what was that all about?- nothing. it's just an oldfriend saying hi. yeah, well, let'skeep it that way. - it's not a handball.- my handball. meow. meow. ♪ i used to know youwhen we were young ♪ ♪ you werein all my dreams ♪ ♪ we sat togetherin period one ♪
♪ fridays at 8:15... ♪ - whoa.♪ but i will wait for you ♪ ♪ as long as i need to ♪ ♪ and if you ever getback to hackensack ♪ ♪ i'll be here for you. ♪ ♪ jesus christ our saviorwas born upon this day ♪ ♪ to save us allfrom satan's power ♪ ♪ when we weregone astray ♪ ♪ oh, tidings... ♪
hey! dumb-ass. wake up. - hey, wake up.- ah! agh! morning. ow ow! agh! what? i need you todo me a favor. what do youwant from me?! i ran into jamie palominolast night.
oh, here we go again. i'm not the same personi was in high-school, pal. you'll always be fatto me, chris. what do you want from me?! i need youto detain samantha. i could do that. - chris, wait!- it's a beautiful day. what about paris? look, paris can wait. this is important.you don't wanna be
- out of touch with your audience, do you?- no. no, well then, you needto connect with your audience, you need to feed off their energy. after all, they're the ones who'regonna be buying your album. the problem is wherein new jersey are we gonna find a proper cross-sectionof your fans? - the mall?- a mall! that's a great idea! - we have so much in common!- i know!
- god.- let's do it to it! whoa! i am notgoing with him! look, what better way to relateto your fans than to go with one? in we go. hey! you're notcoming with me? - hmm-mm.- no, sweetie. you need to do this alone. - i can't be your crutch.- but l... watch your face! buckle up!
great.that's good. that's looking good. great, guys.really good. mr. palamino,how you doing? well well well, if it isn'tmr. valentine's day! this guy, every valentine's day,he'd buy jamie like a dozen roses. used to drive allher boyfriends nuts! ha! till we explained, of course,it was just her little friend chris.
yeah,i remember that. you prick. i see you still have the bestchristmas display in town, sir. - hey! in the state!- hey, chris! i'll be right out. so, uh, how'd youlose all that weight? like that retardfrom subway? it was greattalking to you, sir. are you kidding me?
i rented the nicest porschein new jersey. i'm just gonna playthis whole thing aloof and she's gonna be eating outof the palm of my hand in no time. gotta go. hey. wow! porsche.girls must love this. i hate this stupid thing too.it's a rental. so ostentatious.it's all they had left. hmm.
- god, this place hasn't changed a bit.- i know. are you sure that you don't wantto go someplace else? - no, we can't leave. we have history here.- history. oh my goodness,i remember you two. oh, you're nota chubby bunny anymore. - oh, my personal space.- i'll be right back. i've got a littlesurprise for you. can't wait. haha!chubby bunny!
ahh! thanks forreminding me i was fat. so why did you disappearon me 10 years ago? uh, listen, about that... where youthat mad at me? come on, jamie. it was like100 years ago, all right? i'm not that patheticlittle dweeb anymore. you were nevera dweeb, chris. - so, tell me about your job.- oh my god. you know, once you get overall the glamour, you know, it's uh...
- it's nothing but total insanity.- mm. you know, if it's not pink calling you, thenyou got good charlotte... it's jay z's birthday party, you know, andi'm totally name-dropping right now and i'd really like to stop.mick jagger. how 'bout you? you know, what happened to you?how'd you end up working at the maple? i don't workat the maple. i mean, i work at the maplebut i don't really work at the maple. - yeah.- i'm studying to be a teacher so i'm living at homeand i'm working...
it's the coast.be right back. what happened to him? ♪ five golden rings ♪ ♪ four calling birds ♪- i don't care what your mommy said. ♪ three french hens,two turtle doves ♪ oh, this is gonna be a great song."mall people." "mall people,they come and go... small people,they just don't know." - how's it goin'?- fantastic.
- how's it going with jamie?- treating her like - every boyfriend she's ever had.- you da man! - so i wanna run an idea by you.- no. since you're trying to hook up with jamie,what if i went to paris with samantha - instead of you? that way you...- no. - you haven't heard the whole thing yet!- no. you know what, just... just thinkabout it and get back to me. - oh my god!- i gotta go. - so, how's the coast?- super.
here we go! one grilled cheesewith ranch on the side and one sugar mountain supremefor the chubby bunny. excuse me, um, this-this... this isn'tgonna work for me. but this is whatyou always order. yeah. 10 years ago,when i was a whale. the pancakes are fine.he's just kidding. what?
- be more rude!- she's rude! she's rude! i haven't had sweetsin 10 years, okay? do you know - what this would do to my stomach?- relax, little girl. i'll have the pancakes and youcan have my sandwich, okay? i'll just enjoythis glass of water. i'm stuffed. good times.good times! - yeah.- yeah. - thanks again for lunch.- oh, i'll get your door.
oh. okay. shit. - whew!- yeah. well, it was greatseeing you again. you too. yeah, glad i raninto you last night. yeah, it wasa surprise. big surprise.yeah. it's cold out here.
yeah, it is.it's like the south pole. it's like the deep south poleif there was one. there isn't, though. um, thanks for walkingme to my door. yeah. again, it wasgreat seeing you... again. - you, too.- yeah. take care. uh... yeah, you too.oh, uh...
- oh.- that's good. - take care.- you too. stupid! stupid!stupid! what the hell?! god! oh my god! it's the south pole!it's the deep south pole? it's the south pole.the deep south pole! i don't think there is one,but if there was one
i bet it would bein the south! - i left my gloves in the car.- oh. - there you go.- thanks. hey, look who's here!what's up, hollywood? - how the big date go?- it was terrible. i went in for a kiss,but she wants a hug, okay? then i get caught in a sortof kiss-hug limbo type thing. i don't know what that is, then iended up shaking her entire body. so y-you gave hera body shake?
oh, god! i should've just kissed her!what am i doing? it looks like you picked up rightwhere you left off. you're backin the friend zone. oh, f-f... little problem. okay, she's gota bit of a headache. it's not that bad. ha! what the hellhappened to her? long story short,she fell.
samantha, are you okay? i'm gonna make bubble. dude, she's fine! look at her. she's having a good time.she's got her toothpaste. all you had to do was watch her for a fewhours. what did you do to her? nothing! she's just allloopy from all the vicodin. where did youget the vicodin? mom. blueberry!
okay.i'm gonna kill you. what?!you said detain her! - you're a dead man, mike!- she's detained! eww. - my balls!- oh. you're dead. no, chris! no! chris... chris, no!
- my boss! truce!- truce! - truce!- okay. - hello?- nyah! hey, chrissy! how's my future star doing? great.she's doing great, sir. so let me... let me...let me say hi to her. uh, she's a little incapacitatedat the moment. oh, a little incapacitated,that's my baby, that's my boy!
look, when you two get back, i've got thisincredible marketing campaign lined up for the spring quarter.our number one priority: - samantha james!- awesome. three two, one! ho-ho-ho. - yeah-ha-ha! yeah!- merry christmas! it's a palamino christmas! again! - hello?- jamie.
- hey.- what's up? listen, you're never gonna believe this,but i can't get a flight out. - i'm stuck here another day.- oh. i want to apologizefor earlier. - let me make it up to you.- i taste good. do you want to goice skating? - i thought you hated ice skating.- i used to, but you know, i'm actuallypretty damn good now. i'm the mvpin my league, in fact.
come on, it'll belike old times. - hello, joyce?- mom? i'm on the phone. oh! well, chris, what are youdoing over at joyce's? no, mom. i'm in the living room,10 feet away from you - and i'm on the phone.- oh. well, you know,i was wondering while i have you on the phone,what would you like for dinner? we-we have a choice between chickenchow mein or pot roast. mom. please.
mom! - mom!- what is it, peanut? where are my ice skates? oh, honey, i gavethose away years ago. are you serious?i need them. well, honey, why would i keep them?you're never here. besides, you-you weren'tterribly good at ice skating. well, i'm good now! and i need my skatesto show off my talents.
oh, well, honey,i'm sure you can rent a pair. besides, you don't haveto show off for jamie. just...just be yourself. ♪ be yourself ♪ ♪ be yourself,be yourself. ♪ now, come on! mikey and i aremaking snow angels! i don't wantto be myself. my snow globe collection. ♪ jingle bells, jingle bells,jingle all the way ♪
♪ oh what fun it is to ridein a one-horse open sleigh... ♪ - oof! stupid rental skates.- ooh! you know what?you're a lot better than before. - i'm wearing figure skates from the '30s.- here, let me help you. okay, i can do it myself, okay?i'm good. i'm good now. - so...- so... - how's the love life?- lame. - marty and i broke up a year ago.- ooh, another jerk, huh? - "another jerk, huh?"- i'm kidding...
i'm just saying youdated a lot of jerks back in high school,that's all. so how about you? you in lovewith anyone besides yourself? no. i've really justbeen dating, you know? just trying to lookfor my soulmate. you didn't buy that,did you? maybe youshould try harder. or i could try this.
oh... hey guys,it's miss palamino! yay! hi, guys. sarah and joeyand brett. hi! - what, you... you know these kids?- yeah, i substitute teach - their class.- hey, um, we're having a pickup game. we could use some more bodies.you guys play? you know chris is a great player,but he has rentals.
- a good skater can skate in anything.- yeah! i'm in. okay, guys. keep it clean. - oof!- shoot it! get it in!and goal! - what was that?!- you're pathetic! i'm sorry, okay? it's just these damnrental skates. it's fine. just don't cuss in frontof the children.
potty mouth. get him, terry! he hacked me! wanna fight, punk? - what, are you kidding me?- fight! fight! fight!fight! fight! all right, all right,break it up, break it up. what is your problem?she's just a child. - that's a girl?- pussy!
- yeah!- all right! okay, listen. we're gettingcreamed out there. - it's his fault.- you suck, brander. - hey.- i brand you "suckster." - oh my... that's enough.- hey. now chris is tryinghis best here. sorry, miss palamino,but he's just so terrible. - i'm not terrible.- suckster! suckster! suckster! suckster! - maybe you should call it a day.- no, i can do this!
- suckster! suckster. suckster! suckster...- hey! i'm a really good skater,little girl! watch! you mightlearn something! i'm taking this one. me? ahh! no! no slap shots! suckster! suckster!
suckster! suckster!suckster! - what a schmuck.- don't worry, chris. you're gonna be fine. - wow.- well, it looks like i was - in the right place at the right time, miss...- yeah. palamino?jamie palamino. - dusty dinkleman?- ah, yeah. actually, i go by"dusty lee" now, but yeah. - "dutty nee?"- thanks for saving me. yay, dusty!
- you remember chris brander?- eeh. - boo...- oh, yeah. seen better days, i guess, huh, pal? hey, listen, i don'twant to make this weird, but you look incredible. - so do you.- really glad you dropped in. cool... sorry about that, buddy. here we go.
late '20s.male caucasian with multiple lacerations on lowermandible and possible concussion. transport en route,over. - 104.- so, uh, jamie, - you still living in town?- oh, yeah, i just moved back. oh, really?me too. - it's a small world.- no kidding. jeez, you know, i cannot get overhow great you look.
oh, pfft. me?look at you! yeah, i guessmy skin cleared up and i lost my stammer, but i still playa mean guitar. i'm actually only doing this part-timetill i can make it in music. you know, chris is in the music businesstoo. he could probably help you. oh, hey.easy there, gretzky. shh. you know, we should hang out,you know, have lunch sometime?
i would loveto have lunch. um, where can i give youmy phone number? just write it on this. jamie palamino. this is bullshit! you haven't aged a peep. what do you knowabout dusty dinkleman? - you mean dusty lee?- yeah. works in the building,drives ambulance. why?
well check this out.so i'm out with jamie again... another day date? yes. anyway, we're havinga great time and then dusty shows upout of nowhere, and then jamiegives him her number. hey, didn't dusty have likea huge crush on jamie? - uh...- yeah, you got some competition there, chris.i mean, dusty is a really nice guy.
yeah, well jamiedoesn't date nice guys. she puts them inthe friend zone and then torturesthe shit out of them. i don't know. jamie's comea long way since high school. i think shemight be maturing. maturing? so that's whyshe went with dusty. she wantsa sensitive guy... more like the old me.
well, if she wantsmr. rogers, then i'm goingto show her the biggest pussyshe's ever seen. okay, we're done.now, uh... you're gonna need to wear thisfor the next few days until those stitchesare ready to come out. and here you go. huh?just like your old yearbook picture. ♪ feel my love from afar. ♪ come in!
- can i come in?- i just said that. i brought magazines. ugh, these are old. - flowers?- those are daisies. - how about snacks?- carbs? are you kidding me? i can't eat that crap. i'm just tryingto be helpful. well you're not.so vamoose. - i guess i'll just leave you now.- no, wait wait.
i'm sorry i'm beingsuch a biatch. it's just that i'm supposedto be in paris and i'm not, and i'm going out of my mindwith boredom! i mean, my sidekickbroke and l... i haven't had sexin, like, forever. and i'm so horny. i'm horny. wait a minute. - how old are you?- i'm 22... 20... 19...
i'm... i'm 18. eighteen. so do you really havemy poster on your wall? - yeah.- do you ever like... all the time. how many times in a day? - eight.- eight?! eight? oh my god,that's hot. - you're hot.- i know, i know.
- oh, ow.- are you okay? oh, my backis killing me. oh, i couldgive you a massage. oh, would you mind? not at all. - oopsie, i'm naked.- you're naked. do you have any oil? right back. what took youso long?
- show me what you've got, baby.- okay. baby, ooh! ooh, more more! - okay, enough. enough!- okay. oh, yeah. hey hey.merry christmas, neighbor. gee... hey! - ooh, yeah.- mikey likey, - mikey likey, mikey likey, mikey likey...- yeah...
oh! where the hellhave you been?! i was getting you food. - are you wearing braces?- it's not braces. it's a retainerand it's not that bad. - ha, you look like a doofus!- doofus! doofus! doofus! doofus! doofus!doof... mommy. so pretty.
honey, look whatjust came for you. it's a "get well soon"card from jamie. - boo.- oh yeah? what do youthink of that, huh? it's hugs and kisses, dude.mom writes that on my cards. that's becausei love you both so much. thanks, mommy. oh, god. truce!
total pussy. you're the biggest pussyon planet earth. it's you. - hello?- jamie! - chris! how are you feeling?- so much better. listen, i knowit's christmas eve, - but do you have any plans tonight?- no. well... the revival theaterin town
is showing nicholas sparks's"the notebook." huh? - hello? i'm on the phone.- really you want to see "the notebook"? yes, because i lovesentimental tear-jerkers. i'm gonna friggin' puke. just a second. - you are so dead. do you hear me?- whatever, dude. - what're you doing over there?- faggot. - nothing.- ooh, that's my call-waiting. one second.
- so, anyway...- hello? - hey, jamie. it's dusty.- hey, dusty. hey, listen, just... dude, i thinkshe left you hanging. it's probably just an importantbusiness call. get off the phone. - what, the bar ran out of curly fries?- get off the phone. dude, are you gonnaboink jamie tonight? yes.are you happy now? all right.
- dude, "the notebook"'s so gay.- get off the phone! - sorry about that.- that's okay. - so anyway, what do you say?- about what? going to a movie tonight?then maybe later we can go for some,uh... herbal tea. okay, sure. um... you know what?you're on my way to the theater. why don't i pick you upat like 7:30? - it's a date.- homo.
- bye for now.- bye. mom! mom! truce! - paris, here we come!- mm. - but i'm not ready to play a gig.- of course you are. no. no. - this is a bad idea, chris.- god, i'm so stupid! - no you're not, baby.- here i am, trying to nurture this artist, yet you're thispop bubblegum sensation, and that's okay.
paris, here we come! but i am an artist.i am an artist! hey! i am an artist! - let's go do this.- are you ready for this? i was born ready, bitch. - i'm really excited about this.- yeah, me too. - yeah.- okay, let's do this. - hey! wait! you're not coming with me?- of course i am. mike's just giving youa ride to the gig.
i'm gonna stay here, i'm gonna dosome administrative work and i'm gonnameet you there. it's open mic nightat the coffee house. coffee house is lame, dude.come on... all right! think fast. boop! ♪ by the moon and the stars... ♪- jesus. ♪ in the skies... ♪- looks like the michael bolton starter kit. ♪ like a shadowthat's by your side. ♪
showtime. come on!how long does it... - mistletoe.- hello. - oh my god!- jamie! how are you? you've grown into sucha beautiful young woman, hasn't she, chris? ding-dong. dusty. hey. why? are you kidding, man?i love "the notebook".
i mean, listen,i know it might sound a little corny,maybe even a little femme, but i find somethingso resplendent in the simplicity of nicholas sparks'writing, you know what i mean? nice outfit, by the way.rock and roll. carol? - carol...- dusty, oh my goodness. - this is old-home week.- oh, absolutely. - is it okay that dusty came?- oh, it's awesome that dusty came.
thank you.- okay. ...in the hospital. we got...- dust! hey, let's hit the road. well, you kidshave fun. oh, carol, why don'tyou come join us? she's vacuuming. w-well, i'd love to, but l...i wouldn't want to impose. - oh, no imposition at all!- no. we'd love to have you,wouldn't we, chris?
yeah, rad.awesome. mom's coming.that's good. - there's a group now.- yes! - it was us. it was us.- oh, my darling. oh my sweetheart. i love you so much. - how much time do we have?- i'm not sure. last time it was no morethan five minutes. i love you, angel.
what happened to me? this is so gay. oh, dusty... son of a bitch!huh? peanut. oh, no. ♪ forgiveness... ♪ show us your tits! ♪ is more than saying sorry. ♪- hey! ashlee simpson!
forgive this! dusty, what kindof car is this? carol, this little japanese princesshere is called the prius. i think it's so neatthat you kids care aboutthe environment. - i love the environment.- but honey, don't you drive a range rover?aren't those bad? well, i had a reallynice time tonight, and i hope we cando it again soon.
hey, dusty,thanks for comin'. oh, listen, man, it wasmy pleasure, really. thank you all for having me.it was so nice. and hey, before i forget,make sure that you rinse that thingat least twice a day, okay? your mouth isa disgusting open cesspool with germs and bacteria.now put that back! - christopher, put that back.- put it back! thanks.
hey, anyone wantsome cocoa? oh, carol,you are so sweet! and i would love to do that,except i volunteered at the hospital so that paul could spendchristmas eve with his family. - so, i kinda gotta get going.- aw. that's a drag. god! hey, jamie,what about you? - ready?- give me a cougar roar. cougar roar! cookie monster saysthe cougars are
great big cookies at the top of the jar. ladies and gentleman,the amazing chris brander. oh my gosh,i remember this. he juggles three tennis balls,but gets bored very quickly and wants something else. shh-shh-shh, clear! clear! no kissing!
that's right, jamie palamino, you're my best friend! i love you, chris brander.mwha! mwha, mwha, mwha! oh, your mom's car.you see, this is more like you. yeah, i'm gonna take itback to l.a. - what?- guess what i found? - no, the tape i made you?- 1995. - "the summer of like."- put it in.
♪ dun-nun-de-dunde-dun-dun-dun ♪ - oh!- oh my god, i just peed a little. - good night, guys.- good night, chris. - little problem.- where are you? - the metal shop.- what?! hey! hey, ow! ow! - that's it, bitch. it's on!- come on! ah! i'm gonna kill you!not so funny now, bitch, huh?!
- not so funny now?!- i'm sorry! i'm sorry! ♪ christmas, christmas,the happiest day of the year... ♪ kudos on thechristmas cookies, mom. thanks, pumpkin.i'll be back in an hour. ♪ where sleigh bells ringingand go jingle-ling ♪ ♪ as we're dashingthrough the snow ♪ ♪ christmas, christmas ♪ ♪ so, jesus,hear our song... ♪ - what's up, dude?- quiet, she's sleeping.
i'm going overto jamie's. - did you boink her yet?- shut it. if she wakes up,tell her i went to meet bono. - you're gonna meet bono? i wanna come.- no, you walking void, it's a lie, but if she wakes upjust tell her i'll be back in a bit. - fine!- fine! - i love you.- i love you too. ♪ christmas,christmas ♪ ♪ the happiest day of the year ♪- mike!
oh, god! ♪ spreadingchristmas cheer ♪ ♪ we wish youa merry christmas ♪ ♪ we wish you a merry christmasand a happy new year ♪ this is pathetic! ♪ good tidings we bring,to you and your kin ♪ ♪ good tidings for christmas ♪ ♪ and a happy new year ♪- oh shit! thank you, guys.thank you.
encore! encore!encore! okay, all right,one more time. - one more time. okay.- oh yeah! here we go.you guys, you know, christmas is the timefor giving. and the most precious giftthat you can give... - is your heart.- aww. jamie palamino,this is my gift to you. ♪ when jamie smiles ♪
♪ it takes me miles ♪ ♪ from where i feel unsure ♪ ♪ i realize ♪ ♪ she's no ordinary girl ♪ ♪ hm-mm-mm... ♪ ♪ no ordinary girl ♪ ♪ oh-oh-hhh... ♪ - where's chris?!- i'll never tell you anything! oh yeah?
- he's with his lover.♪ deck the halls with bows of holly ♪ ♪ fa-la-la-la-lala-la-la-la ♪ ♪ 'tis the seasonto be jolly ♪ dude, jamie's outside.what are you doing up here? i'm getting my buttkicked by dinkleman, that's whati'm doing up here. you see him play that guitar?it's like he has 15 fingers. everybody loves him.i can't compete with this guy. you can't compete with this...are you kidding me?
you're chris brander!you're hollywood. you date models! he's jersey.he skis in his jeans! it's dinkleman. it's dusty dinkleman. - dinkleman.- dinkleman. - dinkleman.- dinkleman! - dinkleman.- dinkleman's going down. dinkleman...is going way down. atta boy.
now you get out thereand you tell jamie how you feel! - let's do this.- atta boy. good ol' chris brander,ladies and gentlemen! ♪... iooked downon the feast of stephen ♪ ♪ when the snowlay round about ♪ ♪ deep and crispand even ♪ ♪ brightly shonethe moon that night ♪ ♪ though the frostwas cruel ♪ what the...
♪ it's the most wonderfultime of the year... ♪ the jig is up!run! you son of a bitch! samantha!you're here! shit! there she is.there's the little slut you've beenbanging behind my back! - me?- not you, wrinkles. her! - who are you?- oh... - i'm samantha james, bitch!- don't shove me!
- you're a whore! santa's little whore!- get off! - santa's little whore!- cat fight! - get out!- you're gonna pay for this. i'm gonna get you fired! hope you enjoyunemployment, dickweed! get off me, god boy! but samantha, what about the wordsto your song? "forgiveness"! forgive this, asshole. i hate this town!
call me. - chris?- yeah. - little problem.- hm? duck! - ho-ho-ho! ho-ho!- no! not santa! whoa!flaming reindeer. wow! you don't seethat every day. hey chris, it's samantha.i just talked to my sponsor and i owe youan apology.
it's samantha...call me... it's samantha! hello, joyce? joyce? go away. go away! mom, i saidi have a tummy ache. well that wasan interesting christmas. i'm sorry. i'll payfor everything.
i'm not hereto collect. what are you doing here? i want to talk to the guywho wrote me this. wow. - mmm... want some more?- no. gallon's my limit. oh, excuse me if i'm notone of your stick models. "i'm chris brander. i hang outwith good charlotte and pink. - i go to jay z's birthday party..."- okay, okay. all right. - thank you very much. i get it. i was lame.- yeah.
actually, i was nervous,but uh, more importantly, does this hatmake me look fat? so... is your life everythingyou'd hoped it'd be? i always thought thatif i had a huge career and famous clientsand tons of money that i'd be happy. and the truth is... i was right.
i love it.especially the money. ooh. you're so bad! what about you? let's put you inthe hot seat, huh? where do you seeyourself in 10 years? um, well, i seemyself teaching. and i see myselfgetting married and raising a family. it's gettin' late.
why don't itake you home? or... i could sleep overlike old times. god. - hi.- wow. - ahhh.- ahhh. - here we are.- yeah. yeah. hmm. this is it.
you're finally gonna have sexwith jamie palamino. oh god, look at that face.look at that body. why are you smilinglike a friggin' idiot? go on, make a move. make a move! what's on your mind? bush. president bush,the first family, really. dude, you're killing me!
this is the girl of yourdreams. ravish her! but what if she doesn'twant to be ravished? what if she wants to stay friends? friendsdon't ravish each other? friends watch"new year's rockin' eve." i wonder who'shosting this year? chris, can you put your feet on mine?they're freezing. hell yeah.her feet aren't even cold. don't even think abouthow weird tomorrow's gonna be. - chris.- oh, god. oh, god.
what're you doing?where're you going? - is everything all right?- oh, everything's fine. yeah. you okay? uh, you needanother blanket or anything? - no, i'm fine.- ah. you're not gonna makea move, are you? - good night, jamie.- good night, chris. you don't deserve a penis. god, and we hadthis great night and we were laughing
and we were showing each otherold pictures and... - did he try anything?- no! - did you try anything?- no, but i put myself out there. i mean, i worethe sexy white shirt and i did the whole cold-feet moveand we slept in the same bed. what the hell is wrong with you?i mean, why didn't you sleep with her? - oh, i know. i had her.- i mean, are you two on the same menstrualcycle yet or what? i don't know,i don't know, i don't know.
maybe i just don't compareto these l.a. girls. look, the timing justwasn't right, you know? i'm... i'm laying there.i'm about to make my move and then suddenlyit just hits me. where's this going? what happens afterwe sleep together? does she move to l.a.?do i move back here? jesus, dude. i thought you justwanted to sleep with her. maybe he just wantsto be friends.
maybe he's gay. i can't just sleep with jamie palamino.we have a history. - we're... we're... we're... we're...- friends. god damn it! i'm right back in high school again,you know? i gotta follow my own advice.i gotta just walk away. no, put me on the 3:00. the sooner i get outof here, the better. - you sure about this?- no.
♪ when janicesmiles... ♪ - janice?♪ i realize ♪ ♪ she's no ordinary ♪ ♪ girl. ♪ hey listen.i gotta hang out with my friendsover there, okay? - i'll talk to you tonight.- whoo! - what's up, homies?- you tell me. - what's with the nurse?- oh, janice.
oof, another beein the hive, my friend, - just another bee.- well, what about jamie? what about her? i mean, hey, it's great, right? two biggestgeeks back in the day now finally have a shot with the hottestchick in high school? - you can't write that stuff, my friend.- hey, are you kidding me? oh, come on, man.cut the nice guy routine. i know what you're up toand i am all for it. i mean it is gonna besweet revenge on jamie palamino
for keeping us in the friend zoneall those years. oh, yeah, you wish you werein the friend zone. i was in the friend zone.friend zone's mine. - dusty, popcorn's ready.- copy that, i'm mobile. - listen, i gotta run.- the man's juice! you guys have a nice time.it's been nice seeing you. have fun with jamie. i know i will.clark, always a pleasure. - dinkleman.- son of a bitch. so we're looking atday cares.
and darla's got this one pickedout for tj and it's great. and you know, don't get me wrong,i want the best for my kid. i mean he deservesthe best but tiny tots is just too...oh, mariah carey! what the hellare you doing?! this is apontiac grand prix! i'm sorry, okay?! but i can't let dinklemanget away with this! i refuse to sit back and let jamieget used by another asshole!
you could've asked!l.a. guys are so dramatic. - i'm sorry!- okay. ♪ christmas, christmas... ♪- oh my god. you know, one good snowfalland you won't see any of this. ♪ spreadingchristmas cheer. ♪ hi, mr. palamino.how are you? come to destroythe rest of the house, huh? look, i'm really sorryabout yesterday. - ho-ho-ho.- and that.
look, i know you hate me, but i needto speak with jamie. where is she? - she's gone off with mr. lee.- dry cleaner? - no. dusty, you jackass.- where are they? ♪ i've been workin' on the railroad... ♪- no, chris! this way. ♪ all the livelong day ♪ ♪ i've been workin'on the railroad ♪ ♪ just to passthe time away ♪ ♪ can't you hearthe whistle blowing? ♪ ♪ rise so earlyin the morn' ♪
- dinkleman!♪ can't you hear the captain shouting? ♪ - chris, what're you doing here?- i need to talk to you. dusty! - i really need to speak with you!- this next number - is for your favorite teacher and mine.- let's go. she put this wonderful concerttogether for all of us. give a big round of applauseto miss jamie palamino. ♪ from where i've... ♪ god, i still can't believehe wrote me that song.
oh i can. he's been working on that songsince high school, remember? it's like the stalker'snational anthem. not to mention i already heardthat song today, only it was janice's eyesthat made him smile. - janice? who's janice?- a nurse with really big boobs that works at the medical center. a girli saw him kissing earlier tonight. dusty's a jersey player,jamie! he's outfor revenge on you for putting him in the friend zonein high school.
what are youtalking about? the guy's lookingfor the anger bang! amazing! that's exactlywhat he said about you. - don't you see what's happening here?- oh, i don't know. the guy's justout-playing me, that's all. oh, it's about you!now he's out-playing you! - w-what am i, a game?- no! would you guys liketo join us in a carol - to celebrate the birth of our lord?- no!
my god, don't!dusty! don't! - dinkleman!- what is the matter with you? this is a christmasconcert for children! - you liar!- suckster's not your boyfriend, is he? - no, he's not!- 'cause we like dusty. dusty! dusty!dusty! dusty! - ugh!- dusty! dusty! dusty...! oooh! i'm being framed!i'm being framed!
- dusty!- dinkleman! man, when you come back to town,you come back to town! huh? huh?look, don't sweat it. w-w-we'll goto the maple tonight you can apologizeto jamie and everything will be just...just peachy. okay, yep, good.thanks, clark, for everything. see you in another 10 years.guess not. how'd it go with jamie last night?you boink her?
that would be a no. raise you handif your brother's a homo! all right.keep in touch! you believe that?not one taxi, not one. stupid town.i gotta take the bus! dude, bus sucks! yes!i am outta here! so long, sucktown!kiss my ass! hey, mr. bus driver man.
hey... pull my finger.come on, pull my finger. - aw!- yoo-hoo! - great.- jamie! - whoa, miss, miss. w-w-whoa.- what? what, what, wha... - what, chris? what do you want?- i just want to apologize. i'm sorry.i was out of line, okay? - you're an asshole.- oh, my... i was... hey, i'm gonna get you a caband take you home, huh?
- she's so sensitive!- you blew it. i'm winning. - you're the devil.- so go ahead, just go sleep it off. you'll be right as rainin the morning, brother. chris, you're drunk!go home! i'm not drunk.what's this? ooh."simply dusty" is there any other kind?that's adorable. do you know what elseis adorable? you two. hey! stop bringing dustyinto your problems, okay?
dusty and i are fine. - dusty and i are friends.- right! - not for too long, i hope.- yeah... wait, what? slow down.what did you just say? jamie, listen, i've beenmeaning to talk to you. l... about ourrelationship. maybe we could takethe next step or something? dusty, can i be honest with you?
- i think you're a really nice guy.- thank you. i think you're funnyand charming and sweet, and i just don't havethose feelings for you. - you're kidding.- no. whew! okay, 'cause... cause i wrote youthat song and everything, you know, and i workedreally hard on it and what kind of girl would you be if youdidn't put out for the guy that wrote - you that song, you know what mean?- huh?
f-this. i'm mobile. ah-ha! i'm gonna miss him! - oh!- ow! - what? heh.- eh! get off me, chris!why are you here? why do you keepmessing with my head? i messed with your headfor three days. you've been torturing mesince the sixth grade!
so that's whatthis is about? because i wouldn't screw youin high school? get over yourself! oh, after years of youbeing the biggest tease, trust me,i'm so over myself. oh, so nowi'm the tease. i practicallythrow myself at you the other nightand you did nothing! and now you knowhow it feels. i'm outta here.
yeah, there you go.just walk away like you always do! oh, no no no.i'm-i'm not walking away. i'm running backto my great life in l.a.! - great. well, have fun.- oh, you have fun... being the girlwho peaked in high school. - ooohh!- you slap like a cheerleader. bye, chris. and stay out! i've always wantedto say that.
how did youget in here? my bodyguardlet me in. i was making cookies. oh, i was tryingto be all domesticated like that skank you werebanging behind my back. please leave me alone. no, sh-sh-sh-sh! hugs and kisses! it's all good, baby,it's all good.
by making me jealous on purposeyou inspire me to write the best songs, you know,full of angst and hate! you like that.you and i are gonna be the greatest musicalmanager team since jessica simpsonand her father... only we get to "mreow"and they can't, 'cause it's illegal.i looked it up. this is the new and improved"forgiveness." are you sorry?ha ha!
♪ forgiveness. ♪ - no.- no? - no more.- but i've forgiven you! - it's just like the song...- sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh... this isn't about you. it's cool, you can have other girls.i like girls. darla! i don't want other girls. i want one girl.
- that's not you.- hmph. look.i'll call... ouch. - why don't you like me?- it's a little hard to answer with a taser in my balls! this is about santa'slittle whore, isn't it? ooh yeah,it's go time. hey, hey, hey!it's not go time! this isn't how it works,samantha.
you can't force or-or torturesomeone into liking you. ooh, the big speech. no! you just have to putyourself out there and hope that theylike you back. this isn't a game!this is my life! oh, yeah, well,this is my life! okay? i'm sorry. i'm not the mostboring person ever! okay? i'm sorryi'm not poor!
i'm sorry... i'm sorry i don'thave a fat ass! i'm sorry i'm not...where're you going? ♪ missed the lasttrain home ♪ ♪ birds pass by to tell methat i'm not alone ♪ ♪ well, i'm pushing myselfto finish this part... ♪ hey! hey,where is she? ♪ i handle a lotwalking on this ♪ ♪ it's in your eyes,open your eyes ♪
♪ open eyes,open your eyes ♪ ♪ open your eyes ♪ ♪ open your eyes. ♪ jamie.look, jamie! i said a lot of really crappythings the other night and i'm sorry about that. i haven't been a very good friendto you and i'm sorry, okay? i just... the truth isi'm-i'm afraid to be your friend 'cause i'm alwaysgonna want more.
but then i gotto thinking that-that i'd rather have you in my lifeas a friend than not at all. you know what?that's a lie too. why are you back here? because i wantto take you on a date. and i don't care if it'sin the day or at night or whenever, as longas it's a real date. and i want to tell you how beautifuli think you are inside and out. and i want to havebabies with you
and i want to marry youand i love you. jamie, i always have. mmm. ow! sorry. just, uh... 20 years all at once! unbelievable! suckster's making outwith mrs. p! what is she thinking? - hey, sarah, do you want my last cookie?- oh, thanks, brett!
hey, joey, do you wantsome of my cookie? don't mind if i do. - you're such a good friend, brett.- the bestest! ahh. oh, shit! ♪ by the moonand the stars ♪ ♪ in the skies ♪ ♪ like the shadow ♪ ♪ that's by your side ♪
♪ for better or worse ♪ ♪ till deathdo us part ♪ ♪ i'll love you with everybeat of my heart ♪ ♪ oh-hh ♪ ♪ hahh-aah... ♪ ♪ i'll give youeverything ♪ ♪ i can ♪ ♪ i'll build your dreams ♪ ♪ with these two hands ♪
♪ we'll hangsome memories ♪ ♪ on the walls ♪ ♪ and when ♪♪ and when ♪ ♪ just the twoof us are there ♪ ♪ you won'thave to ask ♪ ♪ if i still care ♪ ♪ 'cause as the timeturns the page ♪ ♪ my love won't ageat all ♪ ♪ and i swear ♪♪ and i swear ♪
♪ i'll be there ♪♪ i'll be there ♪ ♪ like the shadowthat's by your side ♪ ♪ for betteror worse ♪ ♪ i'll love you withevery beat of my heart ♪ ♪ and i swear ♪♪ oh, yeah ♪ ♪ that's by your side ♪♪ that's by your side ♪ ♪ for better or worse ♪♪ better or worse ♪ ♪ till death do us part ♪♪ oh no ♪ ♪ oh, whoa, i... ♪
♪ swear. ♪ mike! ♪ sorry sorry sorry ♪ ♪ means acceptingpeople's flaws ♪ ♪ flaws flaws flaws ♪ ♪ does not meancompromising ♪ ♪ let's forgiveand forget ♪ ♪ and solve thisafrican debt ♪ ♪ just likethe cheshire cat ♪
♪ who says, "mreow!you're running out of time!" ♪ ♪ time time time time time,wreeow! ♪ you'll always befat to me, chris! god damn it!come on, dusty. hello, joyce? joyce? then said jesus,"father, forgive them for they knownot what they do." if you haven't forgiven yourselfsomething, how can you forgive others? i won't apologize.
i don't forgive you. you can forgive,but you can't forget. where are you? ♪ time time time time ♪.
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